December 2011

 


December 31, 2011

Am watching Legendary Weapons of Kung-Fu, a martial arts movie produced by the Shaw Brothers. An oldie but definitely a goodie. It isn't often you see someone rip off their own testicles. I am heading out tonight somewhere. I should just stick close to home here and hit the local watering holes in Downtown Stoughton. Club Inferno would probably be more entertaining, but the weather is icy and the police will be out in force; not a good combination.

Upgraded my Vista Home Premium to Windows 7 Home Premium. It was worth the $126.58 I spent for the download from the Microsoft store online. I did it mainly so I could install Powershell v3.0 I could have faired just as well with version 2.0, but my Windows OS is now up to date and it is better. I checked to see if upgrading would affect any of the programs I use allot on Vista and it didn't so why not go ahead and have the latest operating system in force. The .NET Framework (4.0) was also repaired so it's all good.

I wish I could say I accomplished everything I had set out to during 2011. I didn't but I had a good year. Depending on what 2012 may bring, I will acquire expertise in Powershell and XML, along with knowing how to operate Stylus Enterprise 2010. This is a state of the art application that does everything with XML. Bottom line here on out ... I have to create my own work. If I have the technical skill and a narrow niche of expertise in an area, this is possible. I have made it this far. Turning back is for the weak of spirit. I feel confident that I am finally on the right track with the proper momentum behind me.


December 22, 2011

You Don't Talk To Me
(My Little Angel)

What's On Your Mind
My Little Angel
You Cry All The Time
My Little Angel

We Rarely Know
What you're thinking or dreaming
The Rest Of Us Take For Granted
What We All Do Without Thinking

I wonder what you'll be like
I wonder if you will be a wife
I wish I were a seer so I could look
Ahead and see because
You Don't Talk To Me

What's On Your Mind
My Little Angel
You Cry All The Time
My Little Angel

We Rarely Know
What you're thinking or dreaming
The Rest Of Us Take For Granted
What We All Do Without Thinking

I wonder what you'll be like
I wonder if you will be a wife
I wish I were a seer so I could look
Ahead and see because
You Don't Talk To Me

The neighbors hear you strain
Your mother is calling
Wish I Could Feel Your Pain
Why Aren't You Talking

What's On Your Mind
My Little Angel
My Little Angel
My Little Angel

You can download this song here:
You Don't Talk to Me

I really enjoy this song. My life doesn't center itself on my new found knowledge that I (most likely) am somewhere along the lines on the autistic spectrum ... Asperger Syndrome. As I have said before, no formal evaluation or diagnosis has been made. I don't want the label. I would like to find some support. I would like to find a job I can live with. The bottom line is and has always remains; I have to find my own path. No one is going to take me by the hand and show me. I sink or swim on my own volition. To be honest I can't have it any other way.

Christmas is fast approaching and I wish all a merry holiday season. My thoughts are not on "good will to all men" or "peace on Earth". Wishing for things doesn't make them happen. There may have been a time when these thoughts meant something, but not in the present time or world we live in. No one has the time nor can they afford to think about things like this. The only thoughts the people of this world have is this, "will I survive"? That is the bottom line. How can you not find this state of affairs depressing? Despite this, remember; all is illusion. Strive to find peace, beauty and truth in why you are here now, in this place and this time. That is the only thing that really matters.


December 11, 2011

It is a miracle. I think my rib is starting to heal! Life is good. Went to a local bar on main street last night for a short while. Got tired of the hillbilly prattle and went home. I realize people need to relax and have a good time after working hard all week, but these people are dumber than dog shit. No wonder I sit home. The IQ level in Madison is definitely higher. If I have to sit around and listen to background chatter, at least it is on a level I can tolerate.

OK, the prattle in Madison is just as silly sometimes, but at least it is humorous. Here is an example from Club Inferno last Saturday night - Leather & Lace. Two cross dressers (what ever, possibly transgender I don't know) are sitting at the bar. One says to the other, "I can't understand why a man wouldn't be thrilled to have me laying in bed next to him naked. When I see myself in the mirror, I start masturbating. I'm that hot". I'd rather hear something like this than the blue collar obscenities spewing forth from the mouths of the great unwashed.


December 7, 2011



Warning, this video contains profanity and a point of view that may not set well in your cushy, rose colored world. I may or may not agree with everything I see, read, or hear but I find it refreshing. Not everyone has succumbed to the Shock Doctrine. Not everyone has crawled into a hole of silence and fear.


December 6, 2011

I spent almost $400 on winter clothing and some additional tools I needed. This is it. I can't afford to be spending the kind of money I have just to keep this fucking horse shit job. Especially a job I don't like doing. The hours are not there as promised. I can pay my bills and that is about it. Things could be worse. I could be broke. The winter clothes I bought could keep me warm if I become homeless. Life is draining me of physical strength. Age is slowing me down. Instead of fighting back I'm coasting. This isn't good.


December 4, 2011



Nice documentary about Ed Woods Jr. I also watched two Ip Man movies. Excellent.

My ribs are still on the mend. I danced a couple of songs last night at the Leather & Lace extravaganza at Club Inferno. It is a nice crowd, but my hopes of finding someone to click with aren't going to materialize. Anyway, back to the ribs. I woke up this morning and I was in a certain amount of discomfort. I think the operative word is pain. My cache of hope is running dry. I always thought I might die alone. Damn my gut instinct! I also thought there might come a point where I will end up in the gutter as well. I remember writing a short story of an old man living in a flop of a motel with nothing but a room to sleep in and a sink to piss in. I can't let this happen to me. As much as this job stinks I have to keep this in perspective; the bills are being paid. I have clothes on my back and food to eat. I am working with scum. That is better than living in it.


December 2, 2011

This year went so fast it isn't even funny. At this pace, I'll be dead by next Tuesday. Still learning Powershell. I'm seriously looking at XML. Powershell and XML are like two peas in a pod. I know I'll never get an IT job. But at this point in my life there are bigger fish to fry. I think learning more about how computers really work will be a body of knowledge that will never quench my thirst. Work is ok. I am not really all that excited about it. I was when the opportunity presented itself. Now that I am in it to my neck, it is just another boring facet of surviving in this crazy, insane, and greed driven life. I swear on my grave I will find myself before I toss off the mortal coil. If I don't I will be disappointed.


December 1, 2011

Oh happy days.


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